well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
