Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
