i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
