I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
