Too much gin, very little bucket
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
