There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
