sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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