I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
