when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
