a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
