don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
