Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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