the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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