he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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