Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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