He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Randomize
