Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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