i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
