I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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