I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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