im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize