so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i dont even know how to be here
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
