I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
