How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
