in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You took a bar mat shot.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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