Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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