Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize