she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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