If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
