so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
