God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
