she looked like the before picture.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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