He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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