I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
