Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
