I wish life had little blips of pornography
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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