Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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