I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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