can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
