hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
