Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
