You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
