I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
