I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize