Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
