Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
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