We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
