No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
