She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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