I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
