So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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