I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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