Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
