so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
