peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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