i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
