Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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