the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
there is puke in my bra ... again
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
