dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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