Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
