we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Randomize
