Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
