According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
