i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
