I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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