Your dad touched me again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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