I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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