We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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