I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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