i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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