I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
