i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
