i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
